Other peoples’ cooking does not bother me. I feel no threat whatsoever if someone’s lasagna is better than mine; however, I do feel guilt when I overcook a steak. But none at all if I undercook one.

Macaroni & Cheese is something you should not feel shame in enjoying. Not only is it delicious, it’s affordable.

I know how to make spaghetti sauce from scratch. But there is no shame in using the stuff from the jar. You can always make yourself FEEL like an Italian chef by adding some parmesan cheese & parsley flakes to the gravy.

(If you REALLY want to make things wicked & wild, drop a cube of chicken bouillon into the boiling pasta water.)

Hot dogs are American; if that bothers anyone, go eat somewhere else.

Cheeseburgers ARE paradise, and the French fries are her loving arms.

Cotton candy should only be indulged in the way one would indulge narcotics – IN PRIVATE! Same thing applies to Candied Apples & Apple Fritters.

I do not know how to make fresh, warm & buttery baked bread. But I want to learn.

My mother showed me how to make pie crust. Unfortunately, since I am a drunk-in-remission, I forgot. I forgot something I wanted to learn for a very long time.

My Great Uncle, from what I have been told, baked pies & bread all the time – IN THE NAVY! And that is inspirational in itself. And, for all of those unfortunate enough to have NOT known him, you missed out on one Original Case of God Rolling the Dice.

Sweet food should only be eaten at night. Unless it is a root beer float. The best time to have a root beer float is when it is summer. When the sun is out in late afternoon, just as it is starting to cool down from the hottest parts of the day.

For some reason, to me, if you are caught eating a Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie in public, there is something completely Ohio about you.

Microwave popcorn is fine & dandy. Theatre popcorn is full of flavor & smells & colors that is orgasmic in a non-sexual way. Which, I know, does not make any sense. And, if any one of you readers can explain the magic to me, I’ll cook dinner for you. And take you to the movies. Popcorn will have to be a must, though.

Pancakes & Waffles – there is a secret to cooking them. And I will not divulge such a secret on such a public platform.

Yes: you can go to a diner and order pancakes, or waffles… but, to be honest, something is lost in the hiatus of The Breakfast Rush of a restaurant. Trust me on this. I am, when it comes to this, an absolute Professional.

If you want GOOD pizza, go to your local pizza parlor, order a pie. There is something about fresh dough that is AMAZING. The right dough, the right sauce, and you are as golden as the pie crust.

Ars Poetica

BY: Archibald Macleish

A poem should be palpable and mute   
As a globed fruit,

Dumb
As old medallions to the thumb,

Silent as the sleeve-worn stone
Of casement ledges where the moss has grown—

A poem should be wordless   
As the flight of birds.

                         *               

A poem should be motionless in time   
As the moon climbs,

Leaving, as the moon releases
Twig by twig the night-entangled trees,

Leaving, as the moon behind the winter leaves,   
Memory by memory the mind—

A poem should be motionless in time   
As the moon climbs.

                         *               

A poem should be equal to:
Not true.

For all the history of grief
An empty doorway and a maple leaf.

For love
The leaning grasses and two lights above the sea—

A poem should not mean   
But be.