Today is January 06, 2022. I thought I was going to write a New Year’s piece on New Year’s Day. You know the type. That piece of writing that talks about resolutions, regrets, growth & failure. But I did not do that.

What I have been doing is re-working the blogs (editing & expanding them) for a book. I have still been writing, working… trying to keep on good terms with My Special Lady Friend. Still rough housing with the dogs, feeding livestock, laughing & generally trying to be born again.

(Not in the Christian sense of being “Born Again.” I mean pushing towards some kind of growth.

The coming of the “New Year” and the promises we make to ourselves is hard. Not to be pessimistic – & I am NOT a pessimist – but there is that hollow sadness of knowing you (me) will not live up to what we have set up for ourselves.

What have I set up for myself?

To have another one of Dreams become a reality: holding a copy of MY BOOK.

I know myself well enough to know when I hold that damn thing in my hand, I’ll want to weep. Weep for all the things that had to happen for me to hold that little item in my hands. I’ll think of all the people I hurt… all the people I love… I’ll think about those I have lost – JUST FOR THAT MOMENT.

That moment when I see the spine of that book on a shelf, I hope the void I’ve had for so long will be filled. – That I have accomplished something!

And I will be reminded how difficult it was. Knowing how much time I have spent Working the Word. All the years spent alone, sketching in the journals & notebooks, & all the typewritten pages stacked up – all the computer files! My goodness, all the walls I would jot a quote or two on.

And has been done for that moment the book is in my hands – my VALIDATION I am a writer!

However, I don’t think I will be able to read the damn thing.

I’m serious.

I know myself well enough to know I would criticize the hell out of myself. It would not surprise me if I started marking the pages blood red with Editor’s Pen.

It would end up looking like something from a crime scene!

It will be better to remind myself to breathe, slide the book on the shelf – AND START ON THE NEXT ONE.