Yep. I did it. I did what I said I was going to do. The magnum rounds looked good going into the pond, and the fireworks looked good exploding in the sky above the pond. It was my way of saying goodbye. No! There is no closure. Not yet, anyway. But last night’s send-off for my friend had nothing to do with closure. More like my expression to what was bubbling inside me since reading that awful text he was gone.

Tara was with me. She was by my side, knowing I was hurting inside. I hurt for the wonderful woman & child left behind. I hurt over knowing it’s going to be a long time – & in a different life – when I see my friend again. There was also the hurt I can not even imagine losing my wife… or if she lost me.

I know we are not built to last. I’ve known that for a long time. And I know some of my lifestyle choices have shed some years off my life, but I made a vow. A vow that I would never leave my girl. With that being said, I’m not going to leave this life.

It is one hell of a vow, I know, but one I would like to stick to. And why not? She has treated me better than any partner or lover ever has. If all she wants for me is to stick around, I think I can accommodate her.

This is going to be a short write-up of a long feeling of loss. Not many people from my past have stuck around long enough for us to care for one another.

My friend had that effect on me.

He was good & damaged & funny & uterrably irreplaceable.

The skies had explosions in them, for him.