Let’s say I might become successful at something. Something like Spelling & Grammar. I do fashion myself as a writer. But I am horrible with the RULES on writing. What would happen if I followed all the rules – knew all the rules – and applied them?
Would the work be better?
It would be cosmetically & politically & structurally correct. But I cannot help expressing something special would be lost in the piece. Whatever that piece might be. Whether it be a column, a novel, an essay, or a poem. I understand rules need to be applied more to things say, an essay for a college course.
I have never been good with Rules. However, I have not broken them, most of the time, to be a malicious person. Or a lazy person. I have been possessed more by Dionysus, God of wine & insanity, rather than Apolo, God of the sun – of sober order.
Even with the changes I have made in my life in the past year, I have not followed all the rules. Humans – all humans are fallible, by nature. And some are more defiant than others.
I’m one of those MORE defiant types. A hungry & restless & pushing type who, from some freak switch that has been flicked ON, has a different kind of brain chemistry than others.
And that is no smoke being blown up your bottom. No, no. More than one doctor, more than one therapist has said that to me: that I am “wired different.” Which can be a good thing. On the other hand, it can be the worst thing about me.
Let’s go back to the original question: What would happen if I became successful in some way? And I am talking about the kind of success that is considered Socially Significant. The fact I write every day, I consider that as an accomplishment – a small, personal success, in itself. But I have not held down a paying job in years, Child Support payments, I don’t even want to get into that. I have legal fines I need to take care before I can get my license back.
On paper, I’m a mess. A failed, American adult male.
Internally, though, how I have been feeling about myself these past few weeks, is far from being a failure. A success? Not yet. But I’m getting there.
With each day that goes by I don’t hurt anyone or bother anyone is a wonder; each day, I dedicate myself to working The Word, and each day I remain with My Special Lady Friend, I feel successful. – Even a little bit rich!
Maybe one day, thinking of myself as a loser/let-down will abate. I’m sure as hell better off than I was yesterday, & the day before that, & don’t get me started on the years ago; especially, three years & four years ago.
“It’s all in the comeback,” as one famous journalist once wrote.
And that is where I am at: The Comeback.