My Lady Friend ask me last night what I liked about her. I wanted to be Romantic & say EVERYTHING! But that is not the truth. But who wouldn’t want to say such a thing? To please them. And it is the truth. Also: to reassure them. (I imagine that is all she wanted: reassurance. She seems like the type where Vanity is a Vile thing.) There is nothing about her NOT to like, though. There is a big, big difference between those two concepts.
Am I am crazy, dumb-struck & ga-ga about her? And about the uncanny way she has to drive me – both physically & mentally – weak. Steering me away from rational thought? Yes! The simple answer is YES… the difficult decision to go through in being with that person is no. It is hard to care about someone in THAT way. That is the way it is for me, anyway.
In our society there is a perverse concept of teaching us Love is something flowery & gentle & kind. Flowery, fuchsia & butterflies.
And it is!
But it is not ALL that there is.
It’s also filled with pain, frustrations, betrayal & doubt. Example: I think I have caused more harm to my parents than any good people should endure. Yet, I love them. And they love me. I have been told love is an action word. I have also heard that you love people just because you do.
What is the difference between what I have been told (love as an ACTION word) & love as something having “strings” attached to it, which is negative?
I imagine it has something to do with a person’s alibi. Their psychology. Are they performing deeds with the intention of a prize?
Are they (we/me) doing what we do just to do it? Because it’s the RIGHT thing to do. Making those we love happy & safe.
Personally: I am a fan of the Reward System.
That is different from “strings.” I can’t explain it. It just FEELS like it is different.
My Special Lady Friend HAS to perform good deeds. AMAZING deeds that helps people. Being a Nurse Practitioner is nothing to sneeze at. It’s something I could not do it. Nor would I want to. And before that, she worked E. M. S. for ten years. SHE SAVED LIVES! Hell, I KNOW, no questions about it, I COULD NOT do something as critical & traumatic & difficult as that. Sure: there was a Reward for her actions in that. It’s called a Paycheck! And all individuals in that line work deserve every penny of that paycheck. My hats off to them all.
And this person had to ask me what I liked about her! (Something tells me there is some Self Esteem issues, there. Don’t need to be a psychologist to come to such a conclusion. Just a pair of working eyes & ears… maybe a little common sense… and even that is optional.)
What is there to see in ME? Struggling alcoholic; former misanthrope chalk-full of Mental Disorders, &, worst of all, I am POOR! Shoot! If I had money, all my “issues” could simply be classified as controversial eccentricities. And an intelligent, compassionate & interesting women is not just interested in me, she drove from North Carolina to Ohio in order to retrieve me. Oh, and did I mention she is BEAUTIFUL! Not just your average cutey. No. No. No. We are talking about a Looker of Lookers; if you have half a brain in your noggin, you will agree with me.
And “ah, my foes, and ah my friends,” this woman is probably going to give me one hell of a tongue-lashing after she reads this.
And I will smile & smile while she is doing it. What can I say? She has become my world. So, to all of you that graciously read my little articles, My Special Lady Friend will be a reoccurring character. Along with her dogs. The goats & ponies & pigs, as well.
Can’t forget about them.