I’m thinking about Christmas. This morning when I went to the computer lab, I went on Ebay.com & started looking things up to get for my son. It’s a very hard thing for me to do.

I do not know my son. And that is something I have to live with. I do not know who he is, or what his current interests are. What is appropriate for him? What his mother approve of? These & a bunch of other questions rattle around in my head as I scroll down the pages & pages of merchandise, trying to figure out what is cool & educational & unique.

Christmas is going to be different this year. I’m still going to be away from everyone, but I can send them gifts! Small, unique things I hope will bring smiles to their faces. Gifts, I hope, when they look at them, they will think of me.

Online shopping is a magical thing. No: I will not be able to wrap the items up & place them under a tree. No: there will be no waking up Christmas morning to magical, twinkling trees… just a warm satisfaction that I can be a part of the holiday in some way.

It is not depressing!

Far from it.

This is an improvement!

I am very thankful this year. And thankful for so many reasons.

It is November. And I should be focusing on thankfulness. On, say, Thanksgiving. But, in all honesty, I’ll be skipping Thanksgiving this year. I have no one around to celebrate with. My roommate will be with his family. Most of the people in the building will be away. And I don’t want to fix a turkey, potatoes & all the other fixings with just me in the apartment.

But, on Christmas, in my own apartment, knowing I have been able to contribute smiles & snickers to those miles away… hell, that is a gift in itself.

Someone told me I need to buy a little Christmas tree to set-up in my apartment.

Where do even get such silly little things?

Apparently they already have the loaded with decorations & lights & a star on it. So, there would be no “trimming” of the tree.

It is a lot different from what I grew up with…

It is a lot different from what my last several Christmases have been.

But it is better.

And sometimes better is the best a person can hope for.