Tension & worry, it seems, became ludicrously available, ever-flowing and common as tap water from a faulty kitchen sink faucet.  More horrible than tension and worry, hands down,was The Doubt.  Self-doubt, ranking as Highlander Master over the other varieties of uncertainty, taps both my wife and me on the shoulder, serving as a daily reminder Little Lee’s 18 month check-up dented our comfort and capability as parents, spider webbing the security we had Lee was healthy, in body and mind.

I stayed at the apt. to write while Rory & t/ baby went to Dr. Flow DimDiddles, Pediatrician Pisshead Specialist of Missoula, MT, for the obligatory year-and-a-half poke and prod.  I hadn’t stood up from my desk the whole time they were gone, not even to get a beer or have a cigarette… whatever I had been working on was going so well my two essential maintenance drugs had been forgotten.  Rory opened my office door to my without me noticing… or, maybe that’s just a detail I’ve forgotten… ever since that day, I’ve forgotten a great deal more, concerning many things about various stages of my life – so many things are forgettable when the first word your wife says returning from the pediatrician is AUTISM.